Back home, my mind was in a twirl. I did not know how I had landed up in this situation, I felt guilty for misleading Claire, but then again I could not bear to turn her down. For the next couple of days, I buried myself in my work, trying to extricate myself from this complex relationship issue. After the previous episode, Claire did indeed try to ask me out for dinner a couple of times, but I rejected her on the context that I was busy.
That evening, I had finally managed to ask Jessica out for a movie after numerous persistent attempts. She drove us to Cathay where we caught a romance movie. I couldn’t remember much of the story line except that she held my hand almost throughout the entire movie. During the climax, she leaned in towards my shoulders, her hair gently brushing my cheek. I could smell the shampoo fragrance wafting, as I took the opportunity and rested my hand on her thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze.
After dinner was a quick supper as both of us were famished. We proceeded on to the nearby food court to grab a quick bite. Just as we were chatting about the movie, I caught sight of a familiar figure in the background. It was Claire.(I had lied to her that I needed to attend classes that night) The expression on her face could not be expressed in words as tears welled up in her eyes. Momentarily transfixed, I had to make a quick recovery and thankfully Jessica did not realize anything was amiss.
The drive home was awkwardly quiet as Claire’s expression was still deeply etched in my mind. She stopped at my place and bade farewell(she drives and I don’t), planting a goodbye kiss on my lips. Even though it was the first kiss we shared, all I felt was numbness and I remained expressionless as I closed the car door and proceeded to the lift.
That night, I tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep as I thought of the greater mess that I had sunk into. I had hurt her even deeper. As I reflected, I was unable to comprehend why how she felt mattered so much to me, and why I was so deeply affected by it. On an impulse, I picked up the phone and dialed her number without even thinking of what to say. I was taken aback when it was answered on the first ring.
Me: Erm.. hi
Claire: (sniffles) yes?
Me: I just wanted to say that…. Im sorry. I didn’t mean to lie to you but I just.. I just…
I could hear her sniffles in the background. Tears started to roll down my cheeks uncontrollably and I found myself crying into the phone as well.
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